by Nikko on Friday, March 4, 2011 at 11:43am
I cling to things. certain objects, memories, even people. Especially people. You want to know the surest, most effective way to tear me to pieces?
Become my friend.
Then leave.
Losing friends devastates me more than anything else in this world. I don't know why or what messes me up that way. Maybe it's a complex. Maybe i'm insane.
Or maybe.
Maybe my subconscious understands the world better than I think. What truly matters in life? Money? Fame? Of course not.
People do.
Relationships are the crux of our existence. Guess why so many rich, famous, beautiful people are miserable- hurting themselves and doing away with themselves on a regular basis? It's because their relationships suck. Whether it be scandal with their latest lovers, or terrible family ties, or even the lack of a single person with whom they can be completely honest.
Maybe I subconsciously realize this, and am terrified of losing my touch with the world- my meaning in life if i lose a friend. I understand friends come and go, but for whatever reason, it scares me.
I will make myself sick from crying, even half crucifiy myself for self-serving, unappreciative know it alls sometimes, simply because I've considered them at one point to be a friend, and I feel an overwhelming compulsion to do whatever it takes to hold onto them.
And then there are those I really care about.
My brother.
Any family, period.
Innocents, children.
Soldiers.
And the very, very few who have known me for years, and who know me inside out, backwards, and nine kinds of sideways. Those who I have true history with, both good and bad. Those who I can literally tell ANYTHING to without fear of judgement or ridicule.
You are the ones I would be fully crucified for. I wouldn't just cry for you- I'd die. Willingly.
So maybe my mind is protecting me from losing my touch with what matters in life.
Or Maybe I'm just crazy. It's possible.
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